


nightmares call for your comfort

by shoutosboy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mentioned Marco Bott, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Sleepy Cuddles, armin is good company, jean is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28449168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoutosboy/pseuds/shoutosboy
Summary: All the members of the Levi Squad get nightmares. It's not a secret that they all know what each other's night-terror-induced screams sound like. Some are luckier than others in the regard that they don't scream upon waking from these dreams. Or maybe they just haven't had the chance to have that reaction yet.So Jean is really lucky when Armin shows up at his door the first time he wakes up to his own voice screaming out.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 12
Kudos: 127





	nightmares call for your comfort

**Author's Note:**

> i came up with this in the car on the way home from a friend's house after watching That Scene with the passed out jean in armin's arms. i couldn't not write this.

When Jean woke up in a cold sweat with a scream ripping from his throat for the first time, he had to try his best to not be surprised by it. Most of his friends in the Scouts had night terrors, and it was a topic of conversation during late nights after rather vicious battles. He was well aware of his friends sleeping habits. It was hard not to be, especially when a good handful of them screamed in their sleep like he just did.

He sat up in his bed, looking around in a panic. His heart hammered against his ribcage, to the point where he feared the bones may shatter and his heart would burst free. The dream was a distant memory by this point, but he could still see Marco’s bloodied body behind his eyelids whenever he blinked. There had to be a way to get it to go away. He couldn’t just keep his eyes open forever.

But maybe he could. Maybe he could just find something to focus on. Get it all to go away. He turned his attention to the open window of his room. The stars and moon were brighter than usual, and they lit up the sky with a multitude of blues and purples and greens. The light streaming into the room practically glittered with the colors.

Just as he was considering going outside to lay in the grass and watch the stars until morning, a timid knock echoed through his room. He jumped at the small sound. Pathetic. Did a goddamn  _ knock on his door _ really scare him that bad? No. No, he wasn’t scared by that. His heart was still threatening to slam out of his chest. That was all. Yeah… he was just still on edge from the nightmare.

He crawled out of bed, throwing on a loose shirt that definitely didn’t belong to him. It looked something like Connie or Eren might wear. Didn’t matter. He carefully pulled the door open to reveal a rather strong looking Armin standing as close to the door as humanly possible. He looked a lot more put together than Jean was feeling. Jean’s nerves were still buzzing with adrenaline, the foul taste of Marco’s memory on his tongue. Armin, on the other hand, was completely calm and collected. For probably the first time, he didn’t look scared at all.

Jean stepped aside, inviting Armin in. “Sorry I woke you up,” he mumbled as Armin hurried inside, looking around at Jean’s minimal belongings curiously. Levi didn’t allow them to own anything more than a few trinkets—made it easier to pick up and go when the need inevitably arose as it always did.

He carefully made his way back to the bed as Armin caught sight of the small handkerchief Jean kept the remnants of Marco in. It was a bone, and there was no strong evidence that it was even Marco’s bone, but Jean didn’t ever let himself believe that to be true for too long. If he thought about it too much it made him feel weird about keeping it. So, he didn’t think about it. He simply kept it in the breast pocket of his Scout jacket and felt the weight of it against his chest throughout the day.

“You didn’t wake me up,” Armin replied smoothly, running his finger along the edge of the cloth but not opening it up to look. He turned back to Jean, smiling softly, “I couldn’t sleep anyway. I think it’s lucky I was awake though, don’t you?”

Jean felt his nose scrunch up in distaste before he could keep it from happening. Why on  _ Earth _ was it  _ lucky _ that Armin was awake? So he could hear Jean screaming from a nightmare? It was humiliating. “What, do you wanna be in here with me or something? Don’t be stupid Armin.”

Armin sighed, shrugging. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just always wished someone was with me when I woke up from my nightmares. We’ve all gotten pretty accustomed to hearing each other in the middle of the night.” He crossed the room to sit beside Jean on the bed. Jean watched him carefully as he hung his head, his blonde locks glowing with the pale blue moonlight. “It’ll never be normal for me. That we know what all of our screams sound like. I know I should be used to it, and I guess I am to some extent, but it’s never going to leave me unaffected. I don’t think it should. I don’t want to get used to hearing them. Then it’ll be something that we should all be unbothered by. Then it becomes a nonissue when it’s far from that.”

Despite Armin’s genius, which seemed to always be surprising to Jean, this was something that Jean found himself understanding. Armin was absolutely right. Over the last few months, he had found himself able to pick out all of his friend’s terrified screams in the wee hours of the night. Sasha’s were blood-curdling and loud, Eren’s a low grumble that turned into something guttural and painful sounding. He knew Armin’s the best; it was always short, high, quickly muffled by a pillow. None of the others’ sounded remotely similar to his. Not to mention Armin’s scream came the most often. 

But more importantly, Jean had felt it becoming normal. He was able to roll over and turn his back to the door. Throw his pillow over his ear and fall back asleep. Was Armin… could he not do that? Did he wake up and go to all of their doors? Or did he just listen to the sobs that typically accompanied the screams and wait for the owner to go back to sleep?

“So you go to everyone at night, then?” Jean hummed softly, finally looking away from Armin. The trees outside cast shadows on his wall, patterns dancing along with the wood as the wind blew through the leaves. The wind’s chill entered his room, too, making him shiver.

“No… I don’t bother. At first, I asked them the next morning, but most of them don’t like talking about it. The only person who doesn’t mind talking about them with me is Eren. We’ve always been pretty close, so it’s not hard for us to talk about things like this.” Armin shifted closer to him, carefully, subtly. Jean sucked in a breath. They were unbearably close, and he felt his heart thunking against his ribs again. “You’re the first person I’ve come to see in the middle of the night. I was worried since I’ve never heard you… uh… I’ve never heard you scream in the night before. S-so I decided to come. Just in case, you know?”

Jean hummed, nodding once. He was worried the first time they heard Mikasa scream, so he understood the feeling. But he hadn’t ever considered in a million years going to make sure she was okay. Not because he didn’t want to. He did. He definitely did. He just… really valued staying alive.

So why did Armin come to see him?

He turned his attention upward, looking to the cloth with the unnamed bone that he bestowed ownership onto Marco. His eyelids closed for a split second too long and he was there again. “I see Marco everywhere. In the kitchen cutting potatoes, in the barracks filling gas tanks with me, in my bed. He’s here when I wake up and he’s here when I’m asleep. No matter what I do or what I think about, he’s always here. It’s almost like… almost like he’s haunting me.” Jean chuckled to himself, shaking his head. He sounded ridiculous and knew it. He was crazy.

Seeing your dead boyfriend was fucking crazy.

“I know,” was all Armin said. Jean snapped his attention to Armin. He’d never told anyone about seeing Marco. In fact, he actively avoided talking about him. So how did he know? “It’s not hard to tell. That you were in love with him, I mean. It’s not hard to tell that you were really… in love.” Armin choked softly on the word.

“I’m not in love with him anymore,” Jean stated quickly. It wasn’t a lie. He would always have a place in his heart for Marco. They were together for a long time and best friends for even longer. But he wasn’t in love with him now like he was then. It was different now.

“But you still have feelings for him, right?”

“Yeah. But it’s different now. Losing a partner is… it’s just different.” Jean sighed, shifting uncomfortably. He really didn’t want to talk about this. “I love him still. But I don’t love him the way I used to. I have… room to love someone else.”

A calm silence stretched between them, intermingling with the cold of the air and the pale light of the moon and stars. A hesitant hand rested slid on top of Jean’s. He looked down, watching as Armin’s thin fingers curled around his. If he wasn’t worried about his heart bursting out of his chest before, he most certainly was now. He swallowed thickly, turning his hand so it was facing palm up. Armin adjusted swiftly, locking their fingers together.

“How do you know that you have room? To love someone else, I mean.” Armin whispered in between them. Jean carefully looked up to see Armin watching him carefully. He felt his cheeks flush.

“I dunno. I just know. it’s like how Mikasa just knows when Eren is being a dumbass and off trying to kill himself again. I just know.” Jean laughed lightly, trying to rid himself of the nervousness bubbling in his stomach. He hoped he wasn’t being too strange. Although, talking about your dead boyfriend with the guy you were currently interested in wasn’t exactly a great thing to be talking about.

“Ah, I see,” Armin replied. It was simple, and, really, Jean wasn’t sure what else he was expecting. He sighed, squeezing Armin’s hand. Marco’s smile fluttered in the back of his mind. No, he was with Armin. He didn’t need to think about Marco anymore. Armin was here and Marco was gone. Marco was gone. 

Without thinking, Jean yawned, a soft groan coming out with it. He was absolutely exhausted, both from his nightmare and from being up too late. It was in his best interest to get some sleep while he still could—Levi would have them up when the sun was still trying to yank itself over the horizon, no doubt. He should let Armin leave as well. It would be rude for him to keep him too late.

His eyelids began to droop without his permission. Damn, he was more tired than he thought he was. As soon as his eyes closed, however, Marco’s body was there again. He snapped his eyes open, staring at the wall. There was no way he’d be getting any sleep. Not tonight, anyway.

“Sorry, I’ve kept you up too long. I’ll let you get some rest before the captain comes to wake us up.” Armin carefully released his hand, patting it gently once before he began to rise to his feet. Jean was quick to grab onto his wrist. He couldn’t leave yet. Not yet.

Armin gasped softly at the contact. He quickly settled into his spot once again, looking Jean up and down. Jean blinked slowly, each time wishing he hadn’t. There was no way he’d be getting any kind of sleep if he was alone tonight. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he needed Armin to stay. He didn’t know how to word it. But now was the time to say something.

“Please don’t go.” Jean mustered out. The blond said nothing for a moment; he simply looked Jean over. It seemed like he was trying to figure something out, but the second Jean registered that look, it was gone.

“Okay. I’ll stay as long as you need me to. But let’s try to get some sleep, okay?” Armin smiled—a real, genuine smile—and gently removed Jean’s grip from around his wrist. He crawled into the bed, pulling back the blankets for Jean to join him. The taller didn’t hesitate, quickly finding his head tucked into Armin’s chest. 

Unlike Jean, Armin’s heartbeat was in perfect rhythm. He wasn’t clammy with the sweat that came after a night terror or tense with panic. Armin was steady, strong. It was strange, really, to feel Armin this calm under any circumstances. Still, it made Jean begin to calm down himself. He felt… safe.

Without saying a word, Armin looped an arm around his waist, pulling Jean in tightly. Their legs tangled together on instinct, as if it was something they always did… as if it was natural. A hesitant hand began to card through Jean’s hair, chipped nails scratching gently at his scalp. Jean shuddered at the sensation, his body relaxing instantly. He felt Armin’s breathy laugh against his hair.

“You liked that, huh?” Armin chuckled, continuing his ministrations.

“I like everything you do.” Jean’s reply was quick, soft. Armin’s fingers stuttered, but he quickly found his rhythm once again. Maybe he said too much. Maybe he should’ve kept that to himself.

“I like everything you do, too, Jean. I think I always have.” The last part was so quiet, Jean wasn’t sure if he heard it correctly. He slid a hand up the back of Armin’s shirt, gripping the soft fabric between his shoulder blades. This was so weird. All of it. Armin was holding him, no, he was  _ cuddling _ him in his bed at an ungodly hour of the night. More importantly, he was about three seconds away from telling Armin exactly how he felt.

Sleep was still tugging his eyelids down, unfortunately. Jean was doing his best to fight it. He wanted to be conscious in Armin’s embrace for as long as possible. It would be gone too soon if he fell asleep. He didn’t want the feeling Armin gave him to leave yet. He wasn’t ready.

“Go to sleep, Jean. You need your rest.”

“You’ll leave if I go to sleep. Levi will wake me up and you won’t be here.” A hand crept down to Jean’s chin, angling his face to look up at Armin. Armin smiled sadly, stroking his cheek a few times.

“I’ll be here when you wake up. Why would I leave?”

“I don’t know… because you think that this is weird or something? Connie would leave.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. Do you think it’s weird?”

“No.”

“Then it’s not weird.” Armin released Jean’s face, moving his hand back to his hair. He studied his thick locks as he brushed them out of his face, humming softly.

There was more Jean wanted to say. He wanted to ask  _ why _ Armin didn’t feel weird. He wanted to know everything. But exhaustion was beginning to drag him under the pool of sleep. It was becoming difficult to keep his eyes open. 

“Go to sleep, Jean. We can talk in the morning.” Armin whispered one last time. With a soft sigh of resignation, Jean finally gave in.

And for the first time in months, he didn’t see Marco in the blackness of his eyelids.


End file.
